I used to think a lot about how I feel about myself and how I have been presenting myself to people. But, it was hard to find the right way to represent and articulate specifically what it is because I always see myself as always changing and growing; what defines me now doesn’t always define my inner self in the past or future. But, when trying to take a step back and look at the bigger picture I think what has been consistent is the way I react to life, and with that, I would describe myself as a very independent and resilient person but at the same time very reserved and sensitive. This means that I don’t share much about myself as past experiences with talking to the wrong people made me feel vulnerable to do so. Instead, I learned to take time to reflect and heal alone. That is something I am most proud of as no matter how hard it is, I never give up on myself.
Because of that, I want to capture that aspect in my self-portrait. But, to show resilience and my healing process, I realize that I also need to capture my vulnerabilities. Like light and darkness, it is hard to show resilience without showing vulnerability and to do so, symbols and compositions are the main elements I focus on manipulating to deliver the message.
Symbolically, my side filled with reserves and sensitivity is represented by the shadow cast on the wall, the appearance of my skin, the act of me hugging myself while the light hits my back and the beautiful flower is what indicates my self-heal ability and resilience.
Additionally, there are two reasons why these two symbols overlap with the flower in the foreground, in focus, and me in the background, looking blurry. Firstly, by compositing them in parallel, I want to emphasize that behind every beautiful flower or result and resilience is the effort of continuously trying to reflect and heal myself constantly. Secondly, by emphasizing the beautiful flower by having it the main focus, not only do I want to deliver a story about my resilience but also through that, I want to curate a happy ending for my story in which I will end up growing beautifully no matter how much darkness and challenges I have to go through.
